Why are there suicides on Christmas?

I began to wonder about this question since last year when I learned of several suicides in the nearby local park and river of where I reside.  According to a fellow town resident, such was almost the annual ritual.  I suspected it existed in just about every town in American society. I also presumed that this phenomenon was something every municipality was silent about in order not to put a damper on the jolly spirit of this time each year.

If that were indeed the case, American society, as a whole, hasn’t comprehended the first thing about Christmas.  It is an estimated birthday of Jesus Christ, which churches didn’t even embrace for centuries.  If we concocted a day to celebrate the beginning of his life on earth, shouldn’t we highlight his purpose and spirit the most on Christmas?

Christianity is highly controversial and even offensive to the modern-day public. However, one undeniable fact about this religion is how it stands for the marginalized.  How could they not be enticed by the idea that they were created in the images of God? How could they resist the notion that they were equally loved regardless of who they were?

That was how Christianity, with all its flaws, could penetrate any society around the world regardless of the barriers.

Then, shouldn’t we think about the most marginalized of our society on Christmas more than other days of the year?  Wouldn’t it be something Jesus be pleased about on the day invented to honor him?

Those who commit suicides on Christmas reflect very poorly on our society.  They decide to withdraw themselves permanently since they don’t have the confidence and faith in the rest of us to hear and make room for such individuals.  To shatter that prejudice, we need to speak about them.  If possible, we need to prevent their exits from this world, especially tomorrow.

That is why I’ve decided to release this post on Christmas eve so that we can ponder on what this day should mean.  And, I’ve gathered some thoughts about Christmas suicides after having contemplated on this quandary for nearly a year.

Upon facing the sad news of the deceased last year, my question was as follows: (1) What was the unfulfilled expectation of those who passed away on Christmas?  (2) Why didn’t God stop these people from acting the way they had?

The second question was particularly nagging me.  I am a Christian.  Yet, I had attempted suicides more than once, while fully conscious of the fact that I was committing a grave sin.  However, I was saved by the divine grace twice, which was burdensome more than anything at the time.  And, I even grew resentful toward God as the involuntary survival invited nothing but alienation, anger, misunderstanding, and ridicule from anyone who came to be aware of my failed suicidal attempts.

What was the criterion that dictated God’s decision to save whom or not?  Why save the sinners and let them suffer the severe societal penalty?  Those who died on Christmas in my community were ordinary men with families to support.  God would have been better appreciated if he rescued them instead of a woman like me.

I didn’t have the answers to these questions until this week after recollecting on what I had done for the middle class residents in my community, from children to adults, during this year.  I didn’t plan any of such.  Everything just evolved organically.

As I detected the common pattern of ordinary people’s lives, I could understand the unspoken desire of those who had committed suicides last year, at least in my town.

Based on what I’ve come to understand about the middle class folks, I conclude that those who had killed themselves on Christmas last year or even before died out of misconception of God and equality.

The idea of equality I vigorously battle everyday in this middle class community is a distorted version.  Regardless of young and old, ordinary people expect a force that will compensate each of their flaws or weaknesses to reach equality with others. That is what the public expects out of anyone in power, all the way up to the government.  And, politicians have been exploiting this game of illusion, just to be elected.  They have neither the intention nor the means to deliver that promise, however.  Meanwhile, people are trapped in the vicious cycle of expectation and disappointment.  Our political system continues to disintegrate,as a result.

God happens to be the last resort that the public refers to fulfill this very expectation. It gets intensified especially on Christmas as most people don’t meet the societal standard of generosity, both in giving and receiving, especially in a time like the last 6 years.

Unfortunately, God is dismissive of those who have created an idol out of him in their own minds.  He is equally loving to all.  He doesn’t have the prerequisite standards for people to fulfill to be loved.  He would empower those who resist any societal yardstick that denigrates them.  God would never let any of us abuse his authority or power to pretend who we aren’t.

Why is the warped sense of equality prevalent among ordinary Americans?  Their focus, throughout their lives, has always been fitting in among others, which means repressing their own individuality for the sake of perceived safety.  They don’t know what they are made of and how far they can stretch themselves.  If they ever extend themselves beyond what others normally do, the former feel that they are sacrificing themselves for no good reason.

What ordinary people don’t understand is that no one sacrifices for others.  This misnomer is actually a process that one has to invest to generate the results of his or her desire.  That is what middle class folks aren’t willing to do because of their misunderstanding of an idea. Yet, they are constantly yearning for a savior who can and will.

Even Jesus didn’t sacrifice for the mankind, based on my examination of the Bible.  If he did, he would have admitted that he was the son of God and king of Israel to meet the crowd’s expectations.  He didn’t.  Christ was executed because he was willing to serve the mankind with his best efforts by the divine standard only.  That is why God resurrected Jesus.

It means that, even in his second coming, Jesus would never compromise his integrity to serve humanity.  At each Christmas, many people wonder when that occasion may be. The kind of messiah most of us expect never existed in the past and won’t return in the future, either.

Ordinary people who came across my path were full of discontents, disillusionment, and regrets.  And, these folks blamed external factors for this sorry state of mind. However, it was each of the personal choices of following the crowd mentality that rendered the life they lived.

Those who had killed themselves were hard-working Americans.  They desperately expected someone or some force to save them by Christmas, which didn’t materialize. The unfortunate thing is that they’ve given their best efforts for the first time with suicides. How do I know for certain?  Their deaths were considered surprising given how unremarkable they had been while they were alive.

Those who’ve attempt suicides are stigmatized as cowards.  As a person who had survived two attempts in spite of the earnest efforts, I can attest to the following facts. An act of suicide requires tremendous courage, energy, focus, and will to complete the cumbersome process.  You are ending the pulse of a life that you feel at the same time. The sorrow you feel throughout the entire body at the moment of contradiction is overwhelming.

Why did God save me from my acts of sin?  I had given my best efforts to life before. That discipline was worth giving a second chance in life by the divine standard.  All that I needed to do was to reorient it to the direction he had in mind.  All the suicidal patients whom I had met in two psych wards had exactly the same commonality.  We all extended ourselves to the limit for erroneous purposes in life.

So, if there are those who are contemplating suicides on this holiday, I ask whether you have given your best efforts in whatever that has made you unhappy.  If following the crowd mentality has yielded the results that you don’t like, you need to alter your method first.  If not, you will have regrets even at the moment of suicide.

If you are isolated and misunderstood for having survived your suicide attempts, you need to direct your best efforts for your own happiness, rather than pleasing others.  If my own experience is any guide, no one in your life understands you at the moment. The most anyone offers is pity, which you should reject at all cost.  People already think you are insane, which isn’t going to change any time soon.  Therefore, you are liberated to do whatever that pleases you.  If you cultivate the solitude of happiness, you will eventually attract others who want to know the secret.

For most of you who have worked yourselves up for the artificial buoyancy leading up to Christmas, you know that the emotional letdown is just around the corner.  Would cheering for the new year bring a better life in the future?  Obviously not.

That isn’t how magic and wonder of life are delivered.  You need to make a decision as to where you will place your best efforts.  Without investing such, nothing good will come about down the road.  Look at the last 6 years. Just waiting without doing anything constructive resulted in nothing.  You have no right to blame our government or God for such.  Neither is designed to produce what you want in life.  Only when you initiate this process first and asking what more this life can offer, you will find the divine presence at the moment you least expect.  When that happens, it will be so brief and infinitesimal, which you will find it foolish to share with others.  Nonetheless, you will know in your heart that your experience is real.

Meanwhile, you have a forerunner who had given her best efforts to live by the societal standard and then the divine one.  Both of them are equally perilous.  However, I refuse to go back to the societal standard.  It was when I was being rewarded, I was most insecure.

Although I tried to live by the divine standard, I used to think others needed to accept my choice.  And, I’ve come to realize that it isn’t necessary.  Having God behind my back is enough security I need.

Therefore, whatever choice you make with your life, you have a person who can empathize with whatever journey you are about to make.  So, you aren’t alone, either way.

Have a meaningful and thoughtful Christmas!